Monday, February 16, 2009

What. The fuck?

A friend IM'ed me this story, and. . . .

Seriously. What. The fuck?

What's creepy isn't the age difference, at least not to me, but the fact that Papa-bear looks like he's nine.

I don't approve of adults fucking the underage, no matter how old the kid looks. But if the kid looks like, oh, say, eight or nine, it's a hell of a lot creepier than if the kid looks twenty-five. There's a line between scumbag, and pedophile. And a line, still, between idiot and scumbag.

Now, this chick is only two years older, still a minor herself. However, the boy looks like he could be her son. So even if he was twenty, if he looked like that, it'd still be hella creepy--especially since he seems slightly less mature than the average thirteen year old.

Coincidentally, a coworker of mine has a thirteen year old son, in the seventh grade, with a sixteen year old girlfriend. Doesn't creep me out, and why? Because he looks like he's nineteen. He's six one, on the wrestling team with high schoolers, ripped, and handsome about the face.

::pause to contemplate the nonexistent hell I'll be going to::

He's hot. Like, cute-studly-fratboy hot. He looks like he's nineteen. I both cheer his girlfriend for catching him while he's still young enough to mold into semi-civility, and applaud him for holding the attention of a girl who should be sniffing around college guys. They're both minors, and they both like each other. And neither of them look vastly older than the other. She's not attracted to some tiny, third grade-looking boy, and he's not attracted to a member of the gingersnap brigade.

I'd like to say it's not looks that matter, it's what's on the inside that counts, but the fact is no one can see anyone's insides. I hope. When two people meet in person, they're attracted to physical characteristics first and foremost, not his big heart or her great sense of humor. In the case of my coworker's brat, it's not creepy because he doesn't look like he should still be wearing underroos, forget changing them.

This Sussex case, however . . . it's just icky. Because she wasn't attracted to a thirteen year old boy, but a boy who looks like an undersized nine. And maybe she didn't start looking like a grown woman till after she got knocked up, but even if she looked thirteen herself, loverboy did not:

“I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.”

And he's not even thunderingly smart, mature, and responsible (obviously) , to say that despite his tiny, fetus-boy frame, he could woo an older girl who, again, should be sneaking around with seniors or college freshmen:

“We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.”

But then again, she's not exactly Miss Modern Maturity, either. Maybe they're both mentally ten. Or just plain 'tarded.

Chantelle and Maisie were released from hospital yesterday. They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family live on benefits. Alfie, who lives on an estate across town with mum Nicola, 43, spends most of his time at the Steadmans’ house.

He is allowed to stay overnight and even has a school uniform there so he can go straight to his classes in the morning.

Alfie’s dad, who is separated from Nicola, believes the lad is scared deep down.

He said: “Everyone is telling him things and it’s going round in his head. It hasn’t really dawned on him. He hasn’t got a clue of what the baby means and can’t explain how he feels. All he knows is mum and dad will help.

“When you mention money his eyes look away. And she is reliant on her mum and dad. It’s crazy. They have no idea what lies ahead."

I know what lies ahead: in about twelve and a half years, Alfie and Chantelle are gonna be grandparents. And from a somewhat more reputable source. . . .

Well. At least someone in their families had the good sense to capitalize on this. They're gonna need all the money and help they can get. And luck, since those overnight visits are gonna create another little photo-op in about fourteen months, or so.

"No horror can be more terrible than the daily torture of the commonplace." --HP Lovecraft


  1. Yeah that creeped me the fuck out.

    I doubt that the mother was really attracted to the kid in the traditional understanding of the word. She was probably bored slash thought of him as a teddy bear. A teddy bear with semen.

    It only got worse when Gordon Brown piped up and said he has "sympathy" for the family. The problem is of course that they don't think there's anything wrong with it. Out of touch or what?

  2. From the sound of it, the girls dad is not such a hot example of a father. He failed. Then his daughter failed. Such a shame that the kids lives need to be ruined because of the ineptitude of the parents. They are young, hopefully they can turn it around.

  3. FS: I can only hope it was boredom, or a pity-fuck, not the down-low-tinglies that made her hump this kid.

    And yeah, it might've been better had the PM not said anything. The family . . . the only one who seems to actually see--a few, anyway--the problems inherent in this creepy sitch is the boy's dad, but there's this sense that no one listens to him, anyway.

    It's a cluster-fuck, and Alfie's gonna be a grandparent at twenty-five.

    DB: It's a family made of fail, as so many families are, these days. I just wanna scream "What the hell happened?!!!" until someone gives me a logical answer for why families don't seem to work as well as they used to. Even when two parents are involved.

    As to the hopes that they might turn it around . . . if they had any sense at all, they'd have got rid of it, or put it up for adoption. Maybe realized that at thirteen and fifteen they aren't in any state to take care of a high maintenance pet, let alone a baby. The odds that they'll raise a productive member of society--or at least someone who isn't a massive drain on it--are very low. I have no faith they'll succeed, though I hope they do. If only so that I don't wind up living in "Idiocray" someday.

  4. What up, dude--porn? Really? Did you really reply to my well-thought out post--with links and everything. I worked somewhat diligently on this mofo--with a link to sleazy ass porn? Please to explain?

    No, even better--consider yourself banned, forthwith, from the Dose. Begone, spambot!