Sunday, December 2, 2012

Thrill Me!: Movie Review: 'Silent Night' (2012)

Thrill Me!: Movie Review: 'Silent Night' (2012): By Leah Cifello I love the Christmas season.  I love all the lights and decorations and parades and cheesy crap and old TV specials ...

"No horror can be more terrible than the daily torture of the commonplace." --HP Lovecraft

Monday, July 12, 2010

Keeping Things Whole

My first-ever, cut and pasted movie, with graphics, and everything, like, OMG!

"No horror can be more terrible than the daily torture of the commonplace." --HP Lovecraft

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Daily Dose of Lithium . . . soon-ish

It's official. For a few weeks now, but I've been trying to get someone to figure out what drugs I need. So far, 300 mgs of lithium. Can't start taking it till my CNP gets the results of my blood test. Till then, I've lorazepem to keep me calm and control the insomnia, but it doesn't help too much. Not since the first night. It knocked me on my ass in an hour. The next night . . . not so much. I knew what to expect, and I fought off the drowsiness and stayed up for another three hours.

Slow at work today, so I left early. Was suddenly just massively tired and depressed. Yesterday I was so energized and up. But today. . . .

I took my lorazepem just before I got home and slept for six hours. Watching Olbermann and Maddow, then popping another and sleeping till morning. I'm just tired and sluggish. Can't seem to get in gear since I got outta bed this morning. From the week before (despite getting suspended from work for four days, for insubordination) I was so UP. Ideas, writing, everything. I didn't need sleep. Sleep was for the weak and insipid. Now, I just wanna close my eyes and never wake up. Just tired.

I keep meaning to blog more, to keep up with blogs I like, but I'm either HIGH! and can't focus, or low, and simply don't care about anything. I think that' where I am right now because even typing is physically exhausting me.


In other news, I keep seeing stories about Atheists getting debaptized, or de-whatever bullshit religious ceremony was forced on them at a tender or not-so-tender age.

I guess if that's what some people need to feel like "a member of the godless group" . . . but it's still the same old idiocy. A bullshit ceremony that means nothing, to erase a bullshit ceremony that means nothing. Even where I inclined to think that my baptism meant fuck-all in the For Real, you know, that place where things happen and matter, I would think it meant something because of the capital G, you know? in which case I wouldn't be getting debaptized. Couldn't possibly think a debaptism is valid.

Since I don't think any ceremony has any intrinsic value, only has the value I give it, I think they're all so much horseshit. There's no capital G, the ceremony means nothing. The ceremony to devalue the ceremony means nothing, and just gives the fundies something to bark at. I would no more get debatized, than go to a witch doctor to get de-cursed if some old gypsy gave me the evil eye. I genuinely used to think ceremonies like this confirmed one's adherence to reality, but now, I think it does the opposite, and cedes ground to the poor deluded saps that actually still believe their ceremonies and rituals are blessed by Shiva, or Allah or Jeebus.

I just wanna ask these debaptists: if someone told you a leprechaun bit you and broke the skin, and that you'd have to get a special fairy-tetanus shot to keep you from getting leprechaun rabies . . . would you rush to get that shot?

Not a great analogy, or at least not well-put, but the point is valid. To me, it's a damned good parallel. These debaptists are pushing a cure for a disease that doesn't exist. Anyone who needs that fairy-tetanus shot should reexamine what they believe, or don't believe.

The zeal is appreciated . . . cautiously . . . but aim it in a worthier direction, hey?

Aim some righteous ire at institutionalized wrongdoing that actually means something, like fighting Prop 1 in Maine. Those of us on the side of civil rights lost California. Let's not lose Maine.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Dose of "Pussy" . . . Rammstein, anyone?

I won't link to it here, since I'll always make a sincere effort not to link to porn in my blog (get your jollies the old-fashioned way, buddy: find it yourself), I'm totally gonna pimp the new Rammstein video as both porn-y and fucking hilarious. So, yeah . . . I like "Pussy" :)

Y'all are enterprising and smart, so go, find, enjoy, if you haven't seen it already. Quick hint: trawl German porn sites. Good luck, have fun.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dose of No-fucking-help Whatsoever

My GP was next to no help. Recommended a shrink . . . in Poughkeepsie, which is 40 minutes away by car. The car that I don't own and am not licensed to drive. Bus travel up here is complicated and sparse at best--nonexistent after six pm.

So . . . so much for hopes of not having to put up with this anymore. With not having to feel like I'm crumbling all the time. Help may as well be on Pluto, and I'm stuck like this.

I was crying for awhile. On the bus ride home. Not loud or anything, just couldn't make the tears stop. People kept giving me looks. I was angry at first. Now, I'm just extremely tired . . . and crying again. I need to lay down with Morphine blasting to cover up the sound of the idiot roofers, and of my fucking idiot brain doing what it does so very badly.

Maybe in time I'll adapt. Whatever's wrong with me, be it psychological, chemical, or both, I've had it for a really long time. The fact that it's been getting noticeably worse and more intense for the past six months means nothing, really. I'll just deal, like I always have, whether it keeps escalating, or whether I (and this proves hope springs eternally, like a geyser of stupid) finally emotionally burnout and stop feeling at all. If the time comes when I can't deal anymore, then I suppose we'll just have to see what we see.